Yesterday

I wouldn’t have believed it either

Had you told me before yesterday that I would be a different person after graduation I would have laughed at you.  Had you said that I would feel different about myself I would have scoffed.  I would have thought that you didn’t know me very well. I would have said that I am who I am and a small piece of paper wouldn’t change that.  Unfortunately I would have been wrong.  Yesterday I graduated from the Dixie State College with my Associates of Applied Science Degree in Operations Management.  Today I am a college graduate.  I really didn’t think it would change me that much, but it has.  I spoke to my niece, Teresa Mahoney, who is going to achieve her Masters Degree in Journalism at Columbia University in New York City.  We were talking about how I felt today, and I realized that I could relate to her better because she understood the hard work and angst that I went through to get the degree.  I asked her about that and she said yes that she too could tell a difference; I now understood her college experience a little better.  It has changed how I look at myself in the mirror.  Not arrogantly but with a little more self-respect.  There was a time during the long and arduous road that I had contemplated quitting.  I persevered and achieved my goal; I was proud of myself this morning, and will be for the rest of my life.
I never understood why, when a company would turn me down for a job because I didn’t have a degree, I would be so angry.  I never really understood why they were turning me down. Didn’t they know from my resume the hard work I had put in gaining the experience that I had? I never really thought of the fact that believing a resume is hard.  I never really thought that some people fake the experience of their resumes. A degree is something that can be checked up on. You can require transcripts. You could ask to actually see the diploma.  It is something that, unlike experience, is a shared concept.  If someone doing the hiring sees a degree on the resume, they immediately know how much work that it took to get that degree.  The hours of homework and class time that went into achieving that goal. I understand that shared connection now that I have achieved that.

The future

I will be continuing my education, I have signed up for classes this fall.  I am taking the summer off to enjoy my accomplishment.  Then it will be back to the grind stone.  If everything goes as planned I will be graduating in 2017. I know that sounds like a very long time but I have waited for 30+ years to get this far a few more years is not going to stress me out.  Good things come to those who wait (according to my mother may she R.I.P.) The degree I am working towards is an integrated studies Bachelors with an Emphasis in Operations Management and an Emphasis in Visual Technologies.  My ultimate goal is to help learning institutions and businesses develop better and more effective online learning programs.  In addition to my Bachelors degree I am taking classes from Adobe(self learning) on Captivate and self learning Soft Chalk (a content development tool).  So part of this summer will be to catch up on my self learning too.

Thank you

I would like to thank all the people who have supported and loved me during this process… Literally there are too many to mention by name.  One however stands out above all others and that is my loving and supportive wife.  Annette is the kind of person that stands by you no matter what.  She has been there for me during my darkest hours and has shined the light of reason for me when I was lost and confused.  She is the person that has cheered me on and told me that I was smart even when I didn’t think so.  I am sure there have been times when she wanted to do something but I had homework to do and she would stay home to ensure that I had the support that I needed.  Thank you.

Finally a couple of pictures from my special day.  I will have more on the way but I had someone else take them, and they haven’t sent them to me yet.

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Cauliflower Crust Pizza

Reblogged from Stick a Fork in It:

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I came across this cauliflower crust pizza on Pinterest, and was instantly intrigued. A low-carb pizza? Sign me up! I was skeptical, of course, but curious enough to try it and see how it tasted. I was pleasantly surprised by the results. Now obviously, it is not quite the same as a traditional piece of pizza with soft, chewy crust, but it’s a great substitute when you’re watching your carb intake.

Read more… 443 more words

In my efforts to find gluten free food I came across this as I was using stumbleupon.com (which by the way is fun and addictive) I am going to try this soon, I will let you all know how it came out.
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What a Day

The first day of the rest of my life

I know that is the worst cliche there is.  Today though feels like that to me.  I woke up this morning feeling great. I had forgotten to turn off my alarm, it was 5 AM and I thought WOW – I feel fantastic.
As you all know I have been living the Gluten free life style the past two months.  I don’t eat anything that has wheat gluten in it.  Actually any form of gluten.  In that two months (after I got over the withdrawal symptoms) I feel mentally alert, energetic, and full of life again.
Before I went gluten free I thought I had IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) I will not go into details (gross) but suffice it to say it made my life miserable.  Now I have no symptoms… not one.  It is hard to explain how wonderful I feel everyday knowing that I won’t be “running” to the bathroom every 20 min.  (an exaggeration but that is how it felt)
Back to this morning.  I have a weird habit of rubbing my hands over my belly.  I know it sounds strange but when you are fat, that is what happens.  This morning I did that and all of a sudden I realized that it didn’t feel as big any more.  I was intrigued and thought “I wonder if my smaller pants will fit me”  Months ago my wife (whom I love so very much) went through my closet and moved all of my too small clothes to one side of my closet (that I never use) telling me that she was tired of having to go through them when putting away my clothes.  At the time I was rather depressed, here were some of my better clothes that I would “never” be able to wear again.  It was heartbreaking and spirit breaking.
I went into my closet opened the side that contained all of my “small” clothes, pulled out one of my skinny jeans (a 44) and pulled them on.  Prior to this I could not even get the button within 3 inches of the button hole.  Today I only had to breath in a very little bit to get them buttoned.  When I let out my breath, I was waiting for the button to go sailing, amazingly they didn’t feel that bad. I pranced around the house like a giddy school boy.  I am glad that my wife was asleep at the time, I think I would have been embarrassed.
I sat in my office chair and almost wept with joy. I honestly never thought I would be able to lose the weight that I had put on.
I started this journey at 274 Lbs.  After my wife woke up and I shared my story with her I got on the scale again and weighed in at 258 Lbs.

I will admit that I am quite fanatical about keeping wheat out of my diet.  It is very, very hard.  I read every label, looking for things like “modified food starch” which is a way of hiding fillers made of wheat and wheat by products in your food.  My wife and I had an interesting visit to Wal-Mart the other day.  It was after one of my long work days, we were hungry and didn’t want to cook for dinner.  We had to go to Wal-Mart for something for my work and while there decided that we would get some form of frozen dinner that would not be too bad for us.  We both insisted that it be gluten free though.  We walked down the entire frozen dinner isle pulling out things that we thought would not contain wheat, like tri-tip beef or fried rice and shrimp.  WRONG… every single thing we pulled out of the freezer had some form of wheat in it.  We ended up going to another store where we got sushi to go. (with gluten free soy sauce) It illustrates just how much wheat has crept into our food supply.  I feel for the people with Celiac disease or Crohns disease.  Trying to find food products that do not contain any gluten is very, very hard.

If you want to know more about the gluten free life style, read some success stories, and find some recipes.  Go to this website WheatBellyBlog.com

So excited for next Friday

The other thing that makes this a special day is it is just 6 days till my convocation ceremony.  For those that don’t know I am receiving my Associates of Applied Science in Operations Management next Friday.  I started going back to school in January of 2009 and this coming Friday I will achieve my first milestone.  It is hard to explain how gratifying this is to me.  When I started this journey I really didn’t understand what effect this would have on me. I didn’t understand the hard work and sacrifice that it would take to go this far.  I didn’t know how satisfying it would feel to know that you have reached a goal that had been postponed for over 35 years. Throughout this journey I have regained my love of learning.  I realized, when I was reviewing my journey, that I had lost that love of learning when I was trying to “make a living”.  I know now that learning is a process we should go through everyday of our lives.  We need to look for the things that we learn and acknowledge them.
Today I have learned that I am not only able to lose weight, but I am able to be in control of my appetite.  Today I learned that you are never too old to take control of you health.  I learned that the “experts” are not always right.

My family

I have spoken about my Sister that lives in Israel.  She is doing very well, I know that a lot of people worry that because she lives in the middle east that she is in danger of bombings and such.  Although I worried about that at one time, I have come to understand that not all places in Israel are prone to that type of thing.  She lives in a quiet small town away from the hub-bub of the big city.  It is quiet and peaceful and I pray that it stays that way.  She is still going though some health issues, but they are slowly working their way to fruition and resolution.  We talk every week on Sunday(for me) and I tell her that I love her every time.  You can never tell a sibling you love them too many times.
I wish I had that same type of relationship with my brothers.  I love them dearly and would like to be closer to them but for some reason they don’t seem to have the time to keep in touch with me.  I have tried to send them email messages to no avail.  I am hesitant to call them on the phone as I wouldn’t know what to say, I realize that I am a little angry with them and don’t want that to be the basis for our conversation.  I will keep trying to contact them through email and facebook.  Someday we will have the same wonderful relationship that my sister and I enjoy.
Brothers if you happen to read this I do love you and would love to hear from you.

Wrap-up

Well that is it for this week.  Got a little misty eyed there at the end but that is just me.  I am not your normal stoic unemotional man.  I like my feelings and I am not afraid to show it.  I hope that everyone has a wonderful day.

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Musing and more 4-8-12

I cannot believe I did this… I wrote this last weekend and did not publish it. and this will be my 100th blog… yea it is just as good today. So here it is world…

Over a month – that is bad

I could make some very lame excuses about work being terrible and classes being overwhelming and home life being hectic…  Unfortunately that would be a lie.  Work is a little hectic, we are coming to the end of a semester and starting a new one so that is a little true.  Classes on the other hand are quite easy this semester.  Home life – well lets talk about that.

Home life

About a month ago I started a new lifestyle change. You may recall from my New Year’s blog that I was starting a lifestyle change this year. Well I started the next phase of it. My weight has always been a problem for me, at least the last 20 years, and I finally decided that now was the time to do something about it. I had also had some gastrointestinal issues and my wife had seen a blog by the new food network star Artie the talked about her struggles with weight and gastrointestinal problems and how her solution was to eliminate gluten from her diet. I compared some of the symptoms that I was experiencing to the symptoms that Artie was having, and lo and behold they were one and the same. I made the decision to eliminate gluten and dairy from my diet. Now you would think that eliminating this would be a relatively easy process. Unfortunately you would be wrong, eliminating dairy wasn’t so much of a problem staying away from cheese, yogurt, ice cream, and various forms thereof wasn’t really all that difficult. The gluten however was surprisingly hard to quit. If you walk into the store you will find that there is gluten in about 99% of the things that are sold there. That is if you buy processed foods. So what to do? Several years ago prior to starting this blog my wife and I embarked on a thrice weekly vegetarian meal kick. We decided to revive the that particular tradition, and we thought that perhaps getting more education about a gluten-free diet would help.

The Book

We went to our local bookstore, originally to look for a gluten-free cookbook.My wife, by chance, turned around and saw a book called Wheat Belly by a Doctor Davis. As we were having a cup of coffee in the Starbucks located inside the bookstore. We picked up the book and I started reading it as I was having my coffee. It was as if a light-bulb went off in my head, here was a person telling me that eating genetically modified wheat like we have today is what is causing a lot of my health issues and my big belly that I carry around.I would personally recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about gluten-free eating. In the last month I have lost 14 pounds and 2 inches from my waistline. Not that it hasn’t been challenging, I am surrounded constantly by things like pizza, bagels, donuts, and sandwiches. They are all comfortable food, things that I used to take for granted. Now I have to really think about what I’m going to put in my mouth, how it is going to affect me, and whether I want to pay for that, both physically and mentally. About two weeks ago I joined Planet Fitness, a gym where you don’t have to worry about being judged whether your little fat or little out of shape or a lot of either. I go there for times a week Monday, Wednesday, Friday and a weekend day. Even though I know how to use most of the machines I decided that meeting with trainer would be a good idea. He could give me an idea of what to do to accelerate the weight loss program. He suggested that I do arms and upper body one day, abs the second day, and the legs the third day and then do a whole body 30 min. workout on the fourth day with 30 min. of cardio each day I go.I’ve been doing that for two weeks now, and I have to say that I feel fantastic. It has made a big difference on my energy level and just overall well-being.

My Family

The last time I blogged on February 9 I believe I talked about my sister who lives in Israel. She has been having some challenges in her life, but she is a strong woman, a fighter. Some good things is happening to her, one is that her daughter-in-law just had a baby boy. It isn’t her first grandchild but it is the first grandchild that she can actually hold. Living in Israel all of sons that were living with her there decided that moving to the United States was better than living in Israel. When they got back to the states they married and  had children unfortunately at the time she could not afford the plane fare back to the states to be with her sons when the children were born. This is the first grandchild that she got to hold a mere two hours after it was born. I’m pretty sure that was very special to her, actually I know it was, as we talked about this morning during our weekly Skype call. My sister is a dear sweet woman. A lot of the things that were going wrong last month have started to straighten themselves out.

I keep telling myself that I’m going to get better at doing this blog, but each and every time I do that it seems like a way to month in between. I’m going to take the summer off of school so maybe I will have a little more time for here. I’ve decided that since I am getting my Associates of Applied Science Degree in Operations Management on May 4 that I can afford to take one summer off. I have been going to school since January of 2009 it’s time for break.

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Musing on February 19th

A New Perspective

I have decided to change up my blog.  I am going to talk about what is important to me on the day that I blog instead of trying to make a blog about a certain theme.
I hope that you enjoy the new format.

Work Hours  

I am an avid reader of news about business.  I am noticing a disturbing trend in the work place since the beginning of the recession.  People are working longer hours for the same pay.  The issue that I see is that business is encouraging this to keep their labor costs low while lamenting that the economy is not getting better which is why they are not hiring new workers.  In my opinion it is a scam.  Business is all about maximizing profits.  If they can do that on the backs of workers, more the better.

School Updates

I love my school.  I consider it a privilege to be able to go back to school after all these years.  I will be graduating this May with my Associates of Applied Science degree in Operations Management.  I am particularly proud of the fact that I have done it all from scratch. When I was young I took a few classes, but unfortunately none of them would transfer.  Some of my classmates are graduating with me but they had credits from other schools that transferred in.  I am not saying I am better than them just that I had to work harder for my degree in the short term.  I will be continuing on for my Bachelors Degree.  I am going to major in Integrated Studies with an emphasis in Management Operations and Visual technologies.  My ultimate goal is to develop and improve on-line learning for businesses and schools.  When we talk about dream jobs I would love to be able to go back to Oregon and work for one of the Universities doing curriculum development.

My Life

Many things are going on in my life right now.  I would imagine that is normal for just about everyone.  I would like to think that my life is special and I am much more important than every one else. The cold hard truth is that I am just a normal person. I am however part of the world, a cell in the body human.  Things that I do will affect my community and my community will affect my state and so on and so on till in a small way I am affecting the whole world.  I would like to think that by being kind to others in some small way keeps the darkness at bay.
I would ask a favor of all those who read this blog.  Take a moment and send your positive thoughts out to my sister that lives in Israel.  She is a kind soul and needs all the positive thoughts that she can get.  She is going through a rough spot and needs to know that there are people out there that support her and love her… I know that I do.
I don’t talk enough about my life partner and wife, Annette, she is my rock and my strength.  I know that she is committed to ensuring that I am successful in life.  She lovingly nags at me to ensure that I get my homework done and do the things that are important to me.  If she didn’t care she wouldn’t say anything.  She is an avid internet surfer and information junkie.  If I want something found on the internet, I just suggest that she looks at if for me and I will get a 20 page report on that subject.  I love it.
I love my cat… I will have to take a picture of him and put it up here some time.  As I wrote that I thought – hey I have a picture of him.  Come to find out it is not on this computer. I will have to find it and get it up here.. he is so cute and loveable.  He is my owner, I live to serve him, at least in his mind.  He is an outside cat. The people we got him from had de-clawed him when he was just a kitten and then when they had their first boy they had to put him outside as the boy almost killed him several times.  He will come in when it is cold and stay for a little while, then he makes it plain that he wants to go out again.

Well that is about all I can think of today.  I will write again soon to update you on my life and the musings that I have.

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A Story for Smokers out there…. there is hope

A story

I wrote this story/paper for my English class a couple of semesters ago.  I never thought I would publish it here as I didn’t think that it was “worthy” of publication.  I am posting it now so that I can share it with Michael Symon the Iron Chef.  He is attempting to quit smoking.  I quit four years ago.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To this day I have cravings, not bad ones but cravings all the same.
Michael if you read this, thank you.  For those of you that are trying to quit. I hope this helps.

The Paper

My Masters Bidding

I awoke as I always had to the incessant nagging of my master.  I tried to ignore him as I have so many times before, but as usual, he won.  I got out of bed to see to my master’s needs. 15 minutes later and I have quieted his hunger for at least an hour.  This was not new to me.  I have been a slave for more than 30 years.  My whole life revolves around pleasing my master.  I get up because he tells me to.  I take breaks during the day because he requires attention.  I can’t sit through an entire movie without seeing to his needs.  I eat quicker than my wife at the restaurant so that I have time to attend to him.  I stop at intervals on a long trip because my master bids me to.  The stench of my slavery clings to my skin and clothes heralding to everyone that I meet that I am a slave.

I’ve tried to win my freedom many times.  I would leave my master for days; sometimes weeks at a time.  The reason for my return was simple. My master was good to me.  I enjoyed his company.  I loved him.  He made me feel comfortable like an old pair of shoes.  When I was with him my mind was sharp, my senses alert.  He took away my anxiety and allowed me to relax.  When I was in his embrace I didn’t have a care in the world.  He wasn’t a cruel master.  He was, however, deadly.  Every time I was with him he would put something in my body that was slowly killing me.  I knew I was committing slow suicide, but I didn’t care. I was addicted to him.  I knew that I couldn’t live without him in my life.

Nicotine addiction is common.  According to the American Heart Association 24.8 million men smoke and 21.1 million women smoke, this is 19.8% of the population.  As high as that seems the percentage of Americans smoking has actually decreased said the Center for Disease Control.  Between 2006 and 2007 the percentage of Americans smoking dropped almost a full percentage point from 20.9%.  This is the lowest percentage since the CDC started keeping track in 1965 when the percentage of smokers was 42.4%.    Unfortunately the number of deaths contributed to smoking is on the rise.   Lung Cancer, the leading cause of cancer death among men and women, kills about 157,000 Americans a year. A greater number of people die of lung cancer than of colon, breast, and prostate cancers combined. (WebMD)

“According to the Oxford Reference web site nicotine is a simple alkaloid produced by the tobacco plant. All the acute effects of the tobacco habit are dependent on nicotine, which has complex actions, both on the central nervous system and in the rest of the body. Nicotine acts on certain cell membrane receptors, which were therefore given the name nicotinic receptors. Nicotine was found to mimic the actions of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine at these sites: at the neuromuscular junctions in skeletal (voluntary) muscle; at the synapses in the relay stations (the ganglia) of the autonomic nervous system; and in various parts of the brain and spinal cord. In many situations nicotine first activates the nicotinic receptors and then by its continued presence desensitizes them. Normally, at these nicotinic synapses, the transmitter (acetylcholine) is rapidly destroyed by the enzyme cholinesterase, so its action is evanescent; this is not the case with nicotine.”

Research has demonstrated that the vast majority of harm associated with cigarettes is attributable to the byproducts of smoking rather than to the effects of nicotine (Slade 1999). In addition to nicotine, unprocessed tobacco smoke includes more than 2,500 compounds, and when manufactured additives and other compounds are taken into account, about 4,000 compounds are present (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 1988). The nicotine withdrawal syndrome develops after abrupt cessation of or a reduction in the use of nicotine products and is accompanied by four of the following signs and symptoms: depressed mood; insomnia; irritability, frustration, or anger; anxiety; difficulty concentrating; restlessness or impatience; decreased heart rate; and increased appetite or weight gain (web NIH)

I finally broke free of my masters chains.  I had been admitted to the hospital for an unrelated condition. They would not let my master see me.  Even though I had been without him before I decided that this was the time to be free.  Nicotine would no longer make me a slave. I knew that it would be hard.  I knew that I may fail.  I decided to give it my best shot. I used the patch (again) but this time I was extremely motivated.  I had used visualization in the past, you know; see your lungs getting better.  This time though each time I thought about having a cigarette I would visualize myself putting a gun up to my head and pulling the trigger, instead of the bullet traveling fast and killing me quickly it would inch down the barrel, I had to wait till it got to my head.  It was my visual metaphor for the slow way I was committing suicide.  I had to ask myself if this excuse was good enough for me to kill myself over.

I have been without my master for four years now.  I look back on that time of slavery with wonder bordering on amusement.  How could I have been so foolish to stay with him? I get semi-ill when I stand next to a heavy smoker, I wonder if I smelled like that. My wife assures me that I did. She admits now that it was difficult being around me at times
There are times, though, when I am stressed, upset, frustrated or angry I hear my masters voice in the back of my head saying… “Come Back, Come Back, Come back… I can take away your pain.”  He will always be there, but I know that I am the stronger one now.

Posted in Doctor visits, My Life | 2 Comments

Why do people spam on my blog???

Why Me

I checked in with RenxKyoko this morning… If you haven’t read her blog you should, it is on my blog roll.  It is a relaxing read.  She got another Versatile Blogger award again, and she deserves it.
I decided to check in on my site and see what traffic I have had.  Not much :(   Which I only have myself to blame for as I have not lived up to my blogging more this year commitment.  Plus the fact that my blog is not as coherent as other blogs are.  I tend to ramble about any old subject that strikes my fancy and not about one subject.
What did catch my eye though is that I had several things in my spam folder, as I do every time I come here.  This time it was from two Russian sites, I wish I could tell you what they were selling but I don’t speak or read Russian, and one from a PDF book site.  I will say that the two Russian sites at least tried to leave what would seem like a response to my blog, even though it had nothing to do with the subject at hand, but the PDF book site just left a link to their website.

What were they thinking ?

So that is my question.   Did they just think that I would approve the post and let them spam my blog?  Is it there are so many blogs that just let you comment with out getting the owners approval that they figure it is worth it?  I have visited a lot of blogs and it seems to me that the vast majority of them have some sort of approval for at least the first message.  Don’t get me wrong… I love getting comments on my blog… I even have a couple of subscribers, although my wife won’t subscribe which to me is kind of weird (another story I guess).  I love the thrill of having someone say something in response to what I have written, RenxKyoko is a brilliant responder, as I am sure all bloggers are but when I go to the unapproved comment folder and find that the two comments waiting are from some Russian travel site (there was a picture of a cruise ship on the page) as you can imagine it is a let down.  The one that was in the spam folder had the courtesy to at least not try to pose as a poster…. they just left the website address in the comment section. I don’t allow that on  my blog so I just deleted it.

ROBO comments…

I know that this is robo-commenting, people that are casting a net trying to find blogs that are open commenting.  Their cheap advertisement for these people.  I have to wonder though how many people actually click on links left in comments of blogs.  I know I don’t, I look at it this way, if the author wanted me to know about that website he would put it in his blog roll or mention it in a post, or maybe invite the person as a guest blogger for a article in which he could advertise his site.

So this is my rant for the day.  For those of you that blog out there do you have this problem??? For those of you that are just readers.  Would you click on a site in the comment section of a blog???  Let me know how you feel about this.

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What is the world coming to???

Injustice

I am copying a story that my wife got on Facebook from one of her dearest friends.  Please read the whole thing… I know it is long, but I hope that you will be as outraged as I am about this situation.  The story is one-sided – but I know this person and I believe her.

The Story

This is an account, to the best of my knowledge of everything that has taken place in the last few months….I really need some help and guidance, and I want this to be readily available to EVERY media source I can provide with information. Please Contact your local Senator and Congressman and ask him to please look into the trial of FORT BRAGG SOLDIER, SGT. CHRISTOPHER DEAN RILEY. Please, help to compel them to reconsider the verdict in this case. We had overwhelming support from other well decorated soldiers inside the courtroom, overwhelming testimony on his behalf, absolutely WONDERFUL TDS appointed lawyers, and from what I believe, an extremely convincing case. The prosecution had two conflicting statements, from two questionable E4 soldiers, no actual evidence, and no other testimony.

Please read on for the full story:

“I met my husband, Christopher Riley in July of 2009, on a trip to the beach with friends. Upon meeting him, he was a relatively reserved gentleman with a very calm, and quiet demeanor. We spent the entire evening together just talking. I found him very easy-going and he was pretty much an open book. We are complete opposites, as I am a very outspoken, talkative and loud–always trying to get the last word. We clicked right off the bat, as it was clear our personalities’ complimented one another well. I was in school and spending most of my time outside of class, being fairly carefree. Our relationship progressed fairly rapidly, and we made plans to move in together in February of 2010. Just before our scheduled move into a new house, my husband, a soldier in the 82nd Airborne Division at Fort Bragg, deployed to Haiti. I began gaining weight at a rapid rate, and started feeling sick all the time. I moved into the house we had signed a new lease on, on my own, moving things from his old house, and things from mine with the help of a few friends and stayed there with my sister until he returned from Haiti in May. We had discussed marriage while he was in Haiti and began making plans for a small wedding once he returned. Right after he returned we began aggressively looking to buy a home together. One weekend in early June, while my best friend from High School was visiting, the three of us were running all over looking at houses. That morning, I began having heart palpitations and was a little put off by it, but too excited at the idea of viewing a potential new home to pay much attention to it. We went and looked at a house that we had found online and then went home. As soon as I walked into the door at our house, I bent over to pick up a laundry basket that our dog had knocked onto the floor and I immediately lost consciousness and hit the floor. When I came to, I could not feel anything on the left side of my body, had severe chest pain, my vision in my left eye was blurry and I felt miserable. Chris picked me up and put me on the couch and I lay there a little puzzled. After about thirty minutes I called my father who instructed me to go to the hospital immediately. Having come from a family with a history of heart problems, he was very weary about my symptoms. I ended up being hospitalized in the Cardiac Unit at Cape Fear Valley Medical Center, after blood work showed elevated troponin levels and slightly elevated d-dimer levels. I did not get any real answers as to what had happened to me, despite extensive tests, and ended up signing out of the hospital a few days early so that I wouldn’t miss anymore class. Chris and I went ahead and got married the following weekend at the courthouse in Fayetteville, and made an offer on our new home the following day. Over the course of the months following, I began to get sicker, with no real answers. I was diagnosed with a genetic mutation that causes blood clots, called Factor V Leiden, and the doctors overseeing my care suggested the possibility of Lupus or MS. I bounced around from doctor to doctor and hadn’t gotten any real answers aside from the diagnosis of factor v. I had multiple issues with heart palpitations following the incident in June, and still not any real answers. I was always sick, getting bronchitis and phenomena multiple times, I noticed my hair falling out, I would go to sleep and not be able to wake up, and my whole body hurt all the time. I started then getting rashes all over my body, started having my feet and hands turn completely white and go numb, began having small twitching in my thumbs and kept gaining more weight at a rapid rate, with still no answers.

In early February of 2011, I found out that I was pregnant. Having already had miscarriages, I was weary about the pregnancy and probably far more paranoid than I needed to be. I had to begin taking lovenox injections to offset the Factor V, because I am at an elevated risk for blood clots when pregnant. My pregnancy was expected to be somewhat difficult after all of the issues that I was having, with still no real answers and I was fully aware of the risks. In the beginning I had a fairly normal pregnancy, aside from having to give myself injections. My husband than deployed to Iraq for his third time in his career. Being the daughter of a Retired Special Forces LTC, I am no stranger to the army lifestyle; in fact, it’s truly the only one I know. I am okay with being alone, and well aware of what my husband’s job implies. I knew that this pregnancy would be difficult, and I knew that I was most likely going to do it alone, and that was okay with me. At 28 weeks pregnant, I was having cramps and went with a friend into Womack Army Medical Center, fearing that there might be an issue with the baby. After just a few hours I was released and told that all was well and I could return home. My friend then drove me back to my home, and in the car on the way home, I began having severe heart palpitations. It felt as if there was something crushing my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. She asked if I needed to go back to the hospital, and I told her that this had happened often and it was no big deal, it would go away soon. We stopped and got food, and by the time we were done eating, the palpitations still had not gotten any better. I acted as if I was fine, and had her take me home. I tried to take a nap and calm myself, telling myself over and over again, that it was just anxiety. I then fell asleep and when I awoke, the palpitations seemed almost worse. It was then that I really began to worry. I called my friend and told her that I was going to drive myself to Cape Fear Valley, because I felt like something was truly wrong. When I got to Cape Fear, they took me back immediately. I was taken into Labor and Delivery because of my pregnancy and hooked up to a heart monitor. When the nurse on duty saw my heart rate, she looked confused and said that she was going to check my heart rate manually because there was no way that my heart was beating that fast. She put the stethoscope to my chest, and in one swift movement, it hit the floor and she took off running. The next thing I knew, an entire team of doctors and nurses was running me down the hallway into one of the delivery rooms. I still had no idea what was happening and by then I was absolutely panicked. The nurse had to call Rapid Response because my heart was in an SVT Rhythm, which can be fatal, and again, I had another lengthy hospital stay. The hospital sent my husband a Red Cross message in Iraq, requesting that he return home. The following morning, I was in my hospital room and in stable condition, and I received a phone call from a man I did not know. He identified himself as a Captain Robert Meadows and said that he was my husband’s PA from his company, and that he just wanted to speak with me about my condition. I did not get to have a real conversation with him because every time that we tried to begin talking, the line would die. He called back multiple times, but after not being able to speak to me, he stopped calling. A little while later, the nurse who was taking care of me, came into my hospital room and informed me that she was on the phone with my husband, calling from Iraq and asked if she could give him (my husband) information on my condition. As I had not yet spoken to my husband, I wanted him to know what was going on with the baby and I, and I wanted him to know that the baby was okay, and I told the nurse she could discuss the situation (with my husband). She than reassured him that I was okay, and in stable condition and being kept there to run tests, and to ensure that the baby and I would be fine, and to my knowledge that was the extent of the conversation. Later that evening, my husband called me in my hospital room and wanted to know how we were, I jokingly said “well you talked to the nurse didn’t you”, and found out that he had not. The Captain that had tried calling me earlier in the day was the individual who was on the phone with my nurse, and not my husband, and based on the minimal information he had received, he made a decision to not send my husband home. After realizing the way in which he obtained my medical information, I than told my husband and his chain of command that I was going to file a complaint with my congressman, the Inspector General and that it was extremely inappropriate how they had handled the entire situation. I was extremely upset about the way that the situation was handled and made it very clear that I wanted something done about it. When I left the hospital, I was told that I needed to relax, and that I needed to try to avoid being by myself as going into an SVT heart rhythm again could potentially be fatal. It’s not something that a person can predict and though someone can take precautions to help avoid it, nothing is one hundred percent. It became apparent to me rather quickly that I needed my husband home. After returning home from the hospital, I began to push to have my husband sent home. At the time, I was seeing a military doctor for my prenatal care, and he filled out paperwork for me to submit to the Army’s EFMP office, and I did that immediately, I also began having high blood pressure, and my Magnesium levels were very low on top of the issues with SVT.

When I left the hospital I returned home, and against the recommendations of the doctors, I stayed alone, as I had no one in the state that could stay with me. I don’t have a lot of friends in the area, and those I do have, have very full lives, with jobs and children to worry about. At my next prenatal visit, my normal physician was not in, and I saw a separate doctor that was there. Upon seeing my medical records, and that I had just been hospitalized for SVT, the physician had me speak with the high-risk referrals coordinator in the office and they opted to send me off post for the remainder of my pregnancy. I received a phone call from a Mrs. Katie Godwin, almost a week after I had returned home. She is the FRG leader for my husband’s company, and also the spouse of my husband’s company commander, Captain Jonathan Godwin. Right off the bat, the woman was rude, pressing and immature. She showed no compassion for my situation and made it very clear that my husband was not coming home, and that I would just have to deal with it. She made me feel extremely uncomfortable, made no effort to help the situation, and I questioned why she had even bothered me, and told her that it felt almost insulting that she had waited a full week to call me, if she truly had any intention of being of any assistance to me. Until this phone call, I had never met or spoken to this woman, and I had no idea who she was, all I knew was that she informed me she was the FRG leader. Angry at the conversation I hung up the phone. A few weeks later, the same woman and myself had a very public argument over the Facebook page for the Company’s FRG. Everybody knew of the altercation, and I felt again that she was rude, demeaning, and inappropriate. I admit, a part of me felt compelled to egg her on, because at this point I was utterly fed up with the complete disregard that I was given by the chain of command and FRG, but at no time do I feel that anything I said was out of line, or false for that matter (I have copies of the entire discussion that took place).

Almost immediately after the argument occurred between Mrs. Godwin and myself, I started receiving emails from my husband in Iraq, asking me to please just let the entire situation go. On one occasion, he informed me that his Lieutenant, a man by the name of Lieutenant Augustine Peguero, had pulled him aside and told him that if I did not stop pressing the issue with the PA who had called the hospital when I was in, that he would ruin my husband’s career because he was his “boy” and they drank together on the weekends. Other emails and messages from my husband, described a chain of command that was treating him completely differently. Him, an E5 Squad Leader, who had never been in trouble once in his career, never had any complaints or issues (obviously he was doing something right if he was holding a position as a squad leader at the rank of E5), was being treated like a child, harassed and threatened by his chain of command. The Command Climate had completely changed. This only angered me further, because I felt that not only was I at a high risk being alone, and constantly worried if I was going to end up back in the hospital, but our family was completely shunned by the same people who had previously acted as friends and family to us. I truly needed my husband home, I was constantly sick with worry, calling my mother for advice at all hours of the night, crying constantly, very pregnant and very depressed, scared and completely alone, with no one available to help. My father, who is Retired, and currently working outside of the Army, sent the Battalion Commander, LTC David Doyle an email, asking him to look at the situation, as he a retired officer, looking at the situation felt that it was apparent that the command climate had begun to fail as a result of my actions against the Company. He simply asked him to review the issue and see to it that everyone involved was following the proper procedures, and allowing my husband his rights as a soldier. After a short time, a second letter was sent to LTC Doyle by my father, informing him of some of the issues with the chain of command, specifically pointing out inappropriate photos that the Lieutenant involved had posted on his Facebook, in the days following the second letter to LTC Doyle, implicating the Lieutenant and others, the Lieutenant wrote a sworn statement against my husband, despite no education in the psychology or medical field, claiming very loosely that my husband was mentally ill. Though just weeks before, he had signed off on a document stating the exact opposite. Also, prior to this deployment, a soldier in the Company, by the name of Joshua Guerrero had left his vehicle parked at our home, and I sent him a message telling him that I wanted it removed from my property, I also called the sheriff’s office about having it removed because I did not want there to be allegations that anything was done to the vehicle and I didn’t want to be associated with these individuals. I told him he has thirty days to remove it from my property, and he wrote me back saying that he didn’t know what was going on, and didn’t think there was anything wrong with Chris (or to that effect), I had asked him prior to all of this if my husband was okay, because I knew Chris was stressed over the issues that had arisen with my pregnancy, and he indicated that Chris was okay–only to later write a statement along with that of Lieutenant Peguero’s alleging that my husband was mentally ill. At one time when all this began, a wife of one of the other men deployed with my husband informed me that she was yelled at by the Company Commander, Jonathan Godwin himself, and told she was not to associate with me because I am a troublemaker. I made multiple attempts to contact my Congressman, Larry Kissell through his local office, and was told each time that without a sworn statement from my husband that there was nothing they could do for me. I filed a complaint with the Army’s office of Inspector General on post, and they did nothing for me, as far as I know, despite multiple complaints, the PA, Captain Robert Meadows, who called the hospital and impersonated my husband, did not even get a slap on the wrist, for doing something that is actually against Federal Law (violating my HIPPA rights). The threats against my husband continued, until ultimately the Chain of Command basically asked him to step down from his position as a squad leader, in fear of being fired and having it look badly upon himself, my husband stepped down. On August 16th 2011, the chain of command took away his weapon and restricted him to his barracks room, claiming he was on suicide watch. He was never given a reason, or told what was going on, only that he was there. He requested a lawyer, and was not immediately given one, he requested to speak to the IG in Iraq, and was told no and still was not given a reason for the actions against him. Eight days after being held in this manner, on August 24th 2011, my husband was informed that he was being charged “assault with a deadly weapon, communicating threats and cruel maltreatment” but not immediately allowed to speak to a lawyer. Toward the beginning of September, my husband was then allowed to speak with his military lawyer over the phone. He was never given any face to face time with a lawyer to prepare for an article 32 investigation, and on September 24th 2011, my unprepared husband walked into his Article 32 hearing, in Iraq, after having only approximately 20-30 minutes of face to face time to prepare with his assigned lawyer just before the hearing, the result of the hearing, was a recommendation for General Court Marshall and mu husband was told he would be going to Court Marshall for “Assault with a deadly weapon”.

On September 23rd, I gave birth to our son in the early morning, I was induced with Pitocin and had him earlier than his scheduled early delivery for 38 weeks after going into labor and not dilating. My husband was not present; he was still in Iraq and being treated as an already convicted criminal. I had a long delivery, though fairly problem free, and our son was a very healthy 7 lbs. 15 oz. and 21 inches long. My husband found out about the birth of our son when a small torn edge of a yellow piece of paper was thrown at him, with our sons height and weight. He has that paper even now. That evening, I went into SVT and after Rapid Response could not get me out of it, I was then chemically shocked, it failed the first time and the injection had to be put into my IV a second time, and it felt as if someone had slammed a 2 X 4 into my chest. I was horrified; when the first injection failed to pull me out of an SVT Rhythm I truly had felt at that moment, that I was going to die. Some of my family was present, so I was not alone by this time, but had anything else happened, there was no one present to take our son, and I was moved back into the cardiac floor, by myself, only allowed to see our son with an armed guard outside of the door to my room (because the floor is not a secure floor for newborns). In the evenings, when everyone left the hospital, I had never felt more alone in my life. I was horrified about being alone with my child, and kept thinking that once I brought him home, something could happen to me, and no one would know, and my son would be alone until someone realized that they hadn’t heard from me. I spent the days following my son’s birth, playing over dozens of scenarios in my mind as to what could happen if I were to go home alone with my son. I had a lot of help from family when I came home from the hospital, my grandmother came from Pennsylvania to stay with me for a week, and my friends checked in on me when they could. I had all of the normal worries that a new mother has, piled on top of concerns about my medical issues, and also my husband’s safety, welfare, and future. Throughout this entire process, Chris maintained composure, never showing me any signs of instability. He was encouraging, supportive, loving, and concerned, but never angry or upset. He showed maturity that I was unable to have. When he saw the first picture of our son, his immediate response was “he is beautiful”. Not the reaction I was at all expecting, he seemed in awe.

My husband came home when my son was three weeks old, not to help us, but to prepare himself for a general court martial hearing. When new parents are supposed to be enjoying their new infant, we spent the time trying to scrape together a case, where every legal representative we spoke with told us we had none. We have been encouraged not to tell our story about the events that took place with my husband’s chain of command, because it is not a defense that the army wants to hear. People point the finger at their chain of command often from what I’ve been told, and as a result, it’s not a helpful thing to say in the courtroom, however, as not helpful as it may be, it is the truth. The evidence against my husband consists of various heresy statements, from people with no medical experience alleging that he is mentally ill, one main statement from one of my husband’s soldier’s who was in trouble with him when this all occurred, and the statement is claiming that my husband pointed a loaded gun to the soldier, and one other statement from the alleged victim’s roommate in Iraq claiming that he saw something, that even if it had occurred, there was no physical way he could have possibly seen. (There were wall lockers in-between the beds in their rooms that would have made the area in which the alleged victim says the incident occurred, not visible from the point in which the alleged witness says he was standing). Also, the time and date in which the alleged victim is saying that the incident occurred, my husband was carrying on a conversation on Skype with myself, because it was our one year wedding anniversary. We spoke almost the entire day on that day, and there was no time period unaccounted for from approx. 8 am -3:30pm, as the conversation carried on the entire time. The allegations were made against my husband in August, when the alleged victim claims they occurred in June, if this is true, and my husband threatened this soldier, and this soldier truly felt afraid for his life, why is it then, that the soldier would wait two months to file charged

There is no actual evidence that my husband ever committed a crime, no history that would indicate that he was capable of committing this crime in the eight years he has spent in the army and no motive at all for why he would have done anything like what he is being accused of, however there is a consistent pattern of questionable behavior that occurred in the months prior to these charges with the chain of command involved. My husband is a very gentle human being; he has patience and grace in situations where I myself cannot. He maintains professionalism about him in situations where I see an average person getting truly angry. He is compassionate and loving. He is the single best husband I could ask for. I trust Chris with every last inch of myself, and do not think that he is capable of hurting anyone, he is a wonderful father who can hold our son and rock him while he screams, for hours if that’s what it takes. He has bottle-raised animals, after finding them and bringing them home to open our home to them. I never question him, because he has never given me a reason to. He is a Religious man, who has a lot of faith in God, and prays regularly for peace in this all. He is an innocent man, who has fallen victim to a corrupt chain of command, and I truly hope that in the future the Army can do something to ensure that this does not happen to other good men and women.”

Jan 25 2012, my husband was sentenced, January 24th he was found guilty of a crime he did not commit (assault with a deadly weapon). Despite the lack of evidence provided by the prosecution, my husband was sentenced to 45 days in confinement, deduction to the rank of E1, loss of pay and a misconduct discharge from the army (with a felony record for aggravated assault). I want every American who stands behind our soldiers to know the truth of the 82nd Airborne Division, I want justice for my husband… And most of all, I want the army to take responsibility for what they have allowed to happen. This was my husbands 4th deployment, third to Iraq… And the other was to Haiti. My husband is an amazing soldier, and he did not deserve this. He has given his entire life devoted to the army, and he was dealt to true injustice.

What would you do in her situation… I don’t think I would be as strong as she is right now.  If you can help her get the word out post this to other sites… write your congressmen. That is how we the people fight the establishment.

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Get involved

I normally don’t post about political or controversial issues… however there is one thing that I care so much about and that is the world we live on.  Please take a moment to read about this issue and sign the on-line petition.
Demand Independent Survey of BP’s Relief Well Petition | GoPetition

It is so important to ensure that one of the worlds largest and most damaging spills does not repeat itself.  I urge each and everyone that reads this to sign the petition.  Our world is a precious thing, lets not screw it up any more than it already is.

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First Week Done

Great times

My week was a very busy one.  On Tuesday we started a new semester of Manufacturing U. One of the programs that I administer.  We meet Tuesday and Thursday from either 11:30 AM till 2:30 PM or from 3:00 PM till 6:00 PM. The class is the same both times it is so that people that work the late shift have an opportunity to come to class. We are doing the Leadership module this semester.  I think it is the best one.  You learn real world, hands on ways to take your leadership techniques to the next level.  You also find out what kind of leader you are.  When I took this class it really changed my life.  I thought I was a good leader and I was, but this class gave me tools to make me a great leader.  On Wednesday we started Industrial Facilities Maintenance Module 2, Mechanical Drive Systems. This class is for the Maintenance technicians of the world.  There aren’t a lot of training programs out there to teach people about maintenance.  If you look at some of the trends for business today that is one of the top unfilled positions in the job market today.  I think one of the reasons is training and the other is it is not a glamorous job.  You routinely get dirty and grimy and it is not always an easy job.  It can, however, be a well paying job.  This class only meets once a week but they also have a lab each week that I have to be available for.  On Monday, tomorrow, our newest class starts.  Lean Six Sigma, we are so lucky to have Steve Carwell and Vic Hockett as instructors for our program.  Both or which are certified Six Sigma Black Belts.  They will be passing on their knowledge to others in this class.  For those of you who don’t know what Lean Six Sigma is… Lean is a way of removing waste from a process.  Six Sigma is a way of removing variation from said process.  If I am building a 1000 widgets a day and 100 of them are bad then I have a problem… Lean Six Sigma gives me the tools I need to investigate why I am making 100 bad widgets a day and fix it.  I am a certified Green belt and will be taking the Black Belt class when we hold it.   Google Six Sigma if you want to know why they have Belts like Karate.  it is actually an amusing story, but too long of one for here.
So you can see that I will be extra busy this semester.  Each class I keep attendance on and then administer the LMS (learning management system) and do the labs and just generally make sure that the classes go right.  That is what I do for a living and I love it.

My College Classes

I am taking 6 credits again this semester.  3 for fine arts credit I need, I will be taking Theater 1013 which is introduction to theater.  I am hoping that this will be a relatively easy class for me.  I am also taking Economics 1010 which is Social Economics, again a class that should be relatively easy.  I have said that before though and they have turned out to be a bear.  When I am done with this semester I will be 3 credits shy of my AAS degree.  I thought about pushing myself and taking 9 credits so that I could get my degree sooner, but when I took 8 one semester I almost dropped out, it was too much.  So I will take a 3 credit course during the summer and get my degree then.  My Associates of Applied Science degree will be in Operations Management.  I will continue to work on my Bachelors Degree, it is in Integrated Studies with an emphasis in Operations Management and Visual Technologies.  My goal is to be involved with creating and managing learning management systems for business and higher education.  I know that it sounds strange for a person of my age to have different career goals than when I started but it doesn’t feel that strange. I always wanted to be a teacher, this is a way for me to fulfill that dream.

A talk with my sister

It is almost 8 AM here in Utah, and each week I Skype with my sister, who lives in Israel, for at least an hour.  We lost touch when I went through my crazy phase of early life, and several years ago I found her again. Since then we have spoken every week.  I treasure that time I have with her.  In a way she was my second mother, there was enough time between her and I that she was “grown up” to me.  I valued her guidance and love.  I lost that out of my life for a while, but am so happy to have found it again.

I hope that you all have a wonderful week.  I hope to blog more this week but if I don’t I will see you next weekend.

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