My father passed away at 6:29 this morning. While I was writing my last blog he died. I am no longer in limbo, now the grieving process can begin.
My first real memory of my father is from when I was about 4. I had gotten the croup and almost died. When I got home my parents made a tent on the couch for the vaporizer and had me there. It was Christmas time, I remember my father setting up a wind up train track and letting me watch as the train went in a circle. It is amazing to me that I remember that time with such clarity today. When we lose someone close to us we examine their impact on our lives. My father was a good man, not a perfect man, he had his faults like every one of us has. He made mistakes, he tried to recover from them, he taught us as best he could, and above all he loved us. It was an unconditional love, one that had no bounds, a love like no other, a love that only a parent can experience.
I sit here with tears streaming down my face, re-reading the last paragraph. I have had to take several breaks while writing this. Although my father and I have had our differences over the years, I truly and honestly loved the man, I didn’t always like him that much, but in a pinch you could always count on him being there. As a young man he had a quick temper and a quick tongue. When he aged his temper mellowed and he thought about what he said before saying it. As I got older he got wiser, as with all children I was convinced that my father was crazy and that I knew things that he never even considered. We all know that he had considered them, even acted on a few of those thing, and he was wise enough to understand that I was not going to take his advice because I knew it all. He allowed me to make my own mistakes. To learn the sometimes painful lessons of life. That is not to say that he would allow me to jump off a bridge, if he really was convinced that you were going to pull a real bonehead move then he would step in and do his best to prevent that from happening. I am reminded of when I was going to get married the first time… he tried really hard to stop me, even took me out and had a “heart to heart” (something we had never done) about it. I didn’t listen but he tried.
So My Dearest father, May you rest in peace, may your journey to the great beyond be an adventure, may god take you to his bosom, may you and mom spend the rest of eternity together… happy together and finally alone. You will be sorely missed here, your kind words, your wisdom, your guidance, and above all your love. I will miss you and always love you. I hope that I can be an inspiration to some young person as you were to me. I want to apologize for all the things that I did that drove you crazy. I am sorry for the disappointment that I caused you. I thank you for being the father that picked me up instead of putting me down.
You truly were my hero and my best friend.