Relapse, a time of sadness

From the strangest places

I sit here tonight very sad and forlorn.  I was looking through my contacts on my phone and there was my fathers phone number. It made me stop and wonder, should I delete it? Should I keep it for the memory?  I have to say that it brought a tear to my eye.  More than that though it reminds me that grief can strike at any moment.  I am almost afraid to go through some of my pictures.  I mean if I get this upset from a phone number what will happen with a picture?

Buck up man

That is the thing I tell myself all the time when I get melancholy. I tell myself that my father wanted us to go forward and not cry for him.  He said so in the letter he wrote. I still marvel over that part… it is as if he knew that we would be feeling that way and comforted us.  See that is why I miss the old man.  He had this way about him that was kind of freaky…

Not a saint

I will be the first to say that my father was not a saint.  Far from it, He was a drinker when he was young and mom swore that he ran around on her during the early years, though he always denied it.  (my mother was a very jealous woman).  As he grew, he gained wisdom, cleaned up his act and became a great man.  He took care of my mother when she contracted Alzheimer’s, becoming her full time care giver for over 12 years.  I witnessed that care when he lived here in Utah with me right before she passed.  I was grateful for that time, it gave me a chance to see my mother, even though she had no idea who I was.  It was painful but at least I got to be with her for 6 weeks before she passed.

I hope that all of you that still have your parents learn this lesson, cherish them, fix any issues you may have with them, don’t let the time slip away.  You will regret it. You will sit here wondering why you didn’t take the time to communicate more with them.  You will turn around one day and not have them, then the wishing starts…..

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About Lee Devine

I love life. I am a program facilitator at the Dixie Applied Technology College in St. George Utah. I can't think of anything I want to do more than help people succeed at education.
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One Response to Relapse, a time of sadness

  1. Pammy Oakley says:

    I also lost my father recently. (This past Oct.) He had been in a nursing home for awhile because my mom couldn’t care for him any longer. I have called my mother many times since he passed. Just recently I pulled up her name on my cell phone and noticed that it said mom and dad. I found out, as you did, that it was a hard punch in the stomach, I also cried. So it will still happen to you more times in the future I am sure, but believe it or not the saying it gets easier with time is really true.

    Be thankful that he thought enough about his children to leave a message to all of you. A message that conveyed his equal love for all of you, and forgiveness for any bad feelings imagined or real.

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